1 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:09,290 Lindy: New year, new us. 2 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,790 I've arranged to get the Vermont gang back together. 3 00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:13,040 Les: Are Gary and Meg gonna be there? 4 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,040 Lindy: Terry, girl, we did it. 5 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,710 Jenna: You famously fictionalized 6 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,510 your difficult relationship with your mother. 7 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,470 Diane: I can barely show my face 8 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,130 at Wine Club Wednesday. 9 00:00:22,170 --> 00:00:24,180 Walter: Your mother needs her Wine Club Wednesdays. 10 00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:25,250 -That's not a stretch. 11 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,850 -Your mother was protecting you from your father. 12 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,140 -You are, without a doubt, your father's son. 13 00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:32,980 Lindy: I would rather die a six-inch death 14 00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:36,520 than see Les win a fucking Nobel. 15 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,990 Martin: Hilton is going to sell the tech to the military. 16 00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:42,150 We can't be party to that. 17 00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:44,030 -Let's finish what we started. 18 00:00:44,060 --> 00:00:46,240 Limitless stabilization! 19 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,540 -It is time you knew the truth about Les Littlejohn. 20 00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:53,130 -You have no choice but to eliminate them. 21 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,550 -Tell me why. Why Les? 22 00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:02,670 ♪ We'll take Manhattan ♪ 23 00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:05,180 Lindy: Slow down. Terry, be clear. 24 00:01:05,210 --> 00:01:06,510 Les: What is she saying? Lindy: Shh. 25 00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:07,510 Les: Lindy? Lindy: Quiet. Okay. 26 00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:09,560 Oh, hell. Oh, God. 27 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:11,070 Oh, I know. Okay. 28 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,060 She said yes. -Yes? 29 00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:15,230 -Yes. -She said yes? 30 00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:17,020 -Yes! -She said yes! 31 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:18,570 [both laughing] 32 00:01:19,140 --> 00:01:20,240 Les: Oh! 33 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,030 -Congratulations. 34 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:24,280 You're getting married. Good luck. 35 00:01:24,310 --> 00:01:25,860 -No, no, no, no, no, no. -Married? No. 36 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,570 -She wrote a novel. -And it's getting published! 37 00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:28,700 -Yes! -Nobody cares. 38 00:01:28,730 --> 00:01:30,040 It's New York. Swing a cat. 39 00:01:30,070 --> 00:01:32,040 -I love this city. 40 00:01:32,070 --> 00:01:33,710 -Married. -Oh. 41 00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:36,120 Why would we ever ruin us by getting married? 42 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:37,750 -I know. -It's ridiculous. 43 00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:39,380 -I mean, we live together, we love each other. 44 00:01:39,410 --> 00:01:41,550 What more do we need? I mean, it's silly. 45 00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,720 -Silly. Right. 46 00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:45,720 -Lindy, will you not be my wife? 47 00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:48,300 -Les, I will not. 48 00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:50,930 -And will I not be your husband? 49 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:54,270 -You will not, Les. -And will you... 50 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:55,530 -[chuckles] What? 51 00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:00,110 [laughing] What is this? 52 00:02:00,140 --> 00:02:01,570 -Watch this. 53 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,650 -Uh-huh. Whoa, some fast fingers there, professor. 54 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:04,990 -And you will now... 55 00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:06,110 -Uh-huh. 56 00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:07,410 ♪ The great big city's ♪ 57 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,330 -...not marry me? -[laughs] 58 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,830 -Absolutely not. Never, ever. 59 00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:17,120 ♪ Just made ♪ ♪ For a girl and boy ♪ 60 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,680 -What the fuck is happening? 61 00:02:20,450 --> 00:02:24,220 -Well, I thought we could maybe make it not official. 62 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:26,590 ♪ Into an isle of joy ♪ 63 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:31,060 -Are we not doing this or are we not not doing this? 64 00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:32,690 -I don't know. 65 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,520 I mean, we always said we wouldn't do 66 00:02:35,550 --> 00:02:37,270 the icky marriage stuff, but... 67 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:40,110 -But? -...but maybe, 68 00:02:40,140 --> 00:02:41,660 maybe two nos make a yes? 69 00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:47,780 -We've sworn for years that we were never, ever... 70 00:02:47,810 --> 00:02:49,110 -I know. I know. But maybe, -...gonna get married. So... 71 00:02:49,150 --> 00:02:51,670 maybe the really defiant, 72 00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:55,500 nonconformist, rebellious thing would be for us to... 73 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,510 -Get fuckin' married. -Yeah. 74 00:02:58,910 --> 00:03:00,290 But... -But, but 75 00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:02,000 like a non-traditional, 76 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,880 non-bridezilla, non-wedding wedding. 77 00:03:04,910 --> 00:03:05,930 -Yeah. 78 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,060 ♪ We'll stroll ♪ -Yeah. 79 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:16,270 ♪ Where first ♪ ♪ A kiss we stole ♪ 80 00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:21,200 [suspenseful music playing] 81 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,620 [bird screeching] 82 00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:31,870 Lindy: Perfect. 83 00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:33,250 [Les chuckles] 84 00:03:34,690 --> 00:03:36,580 -I cannot believe that you did all this. 85 00:03:36,610 --> 00:03:38,410 I mean, I... -Alice? 86 00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:40,420 -Right here, ma'am. -Oh, there you are. 87 00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,670 -Always, ma'am. -Let's put this someplace... 88 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,670 both: ...safe, under lock and key, 89 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:46,090 nothing can happen to them. 90 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,340 -Check. -Next. 91 00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:48,760 -Flowers. -Flowers. 92 00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,220 After the ceremony? -Transfer to the tables. 93 00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:51,840 -Low stem, vases only. -Vases only. 94 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,510 -To review, rehearsal dinner rundown. 95 00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:55,680 Drinks and hors d'oeuvres on arrival. 96 00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:57,560 Bride and groom welcome speech. 97 00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:59,350 Appetizers and various toasts. 98 00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:00,850 You have the approved list? -Yes, ma'am. 99 00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,520 -Okay. Dessert. Done. Everybody fucks off. 100 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,690 I get my sleep. We good? -Good. 101 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,860 -Good. Wait, just good? -Great. 102 00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:11,030 -Great. Oh, one more thing. Agh! 103 00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:13,530 Videographer, so very important. 104 00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:14,870 One question only. What is it? 105 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,700 -"What is the secret to a happy marriage?" 106 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:17,600 -What do I not want? 107 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,540 -Advice, "remember when," well wishes. 108 00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:20,710 -Gold fuckin' star. 109 00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,580 -Okay, ma'am. Excuse me. 110 00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:24,580 Kevin, classic rectangle, not bishop's hat. 111 00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:25,750 -Oh, good catch. 112 00:04:25,790 --> 00:04:28,550 Jesus. Alice. 113 00:04:28,580 --> 00:04:31,550 -The font, spelling, placement? -Placement. 114 00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:35,220 My dad cannot sit next to my mom. 115 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:38,220 -We were informed that a Walt was assuming 116 00:04:38,260 --> 00:04:40,730 the father-of-the-bride responsibilities, by... 117 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,230 -Fucking Diane. -...Diane, 118 00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:43,900 mother of the bride. -Yeah. No, that is incorrect. 119 00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:45,480 We need to start again. Kevin. 120 00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:46,480 -Kevin, we need to begin again. 121 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,770 -Hold on. What are you doing? 122 00:04:47,810 --> 00:04:50,740 -I am preventing a nuclear fallout. 123 00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:52,070 She always does this. 124 00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,610 -Who? -Diane. 125 00:04:53,650 --> 00:04:55,410 -Does what? -Pushes my dad out. 126 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,990 -But he's coming, right? -Right. 127 00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,910 So, we need to seat Jim, father of the bride 128 00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:04,960 next to Nancy. Nancy, mother of the groom 129 00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:08,960 from a normal, stable, functional family 130 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,630 and not my house of lies, madness, sadness family, okay? 131 00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:15,180 Kevin? Okay, Kevin? 132 00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,640 -Champagne or cocktails before dinner? 133 00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:19,430 -Cocktails. Thank you, Alice. -What?! 134 00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,430 -Champ--no. -Champagne! 135 00:05:21,470 --> 00:05:23,940 -Champagne. Champagne. Thank you, Alice. 136 00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,600 -Diane and cocktails. 137 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,110 No food, no absorption. 138 00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:28,520 We talked about this. -Whoa. Whoa. 139 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,150 -She can... -Let's take a breath. 140 00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:33,030 We're losing sight. We're losing sight. 141 00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:34,530 -Thank you for using "we." 142 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:35,530 -Yeah. -Oh, my God. 143 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,450 -We... -What is happening to me? 144 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:38,620 -...hate--we hate this. 145 00:05:38,650 --> 00:05:39,830 -Right. Right. -All right? 146 00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:41,490 -Oh, my God. -We do not want this 147 00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:44,500 -and that's why it's fun, okay? -[groans] 148 00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:46,630 Everything that goes bad is good... 149 00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:47,500 -Uh-hmm. -...because it makes 150 00:05:47,530 --> 00:05:48,500 for a better story. 151 00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:50,130 Our not-wedding wedding 152 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,300 for our not-marriage marriage, 153 00:05:52,330 --> 00:05:54,130 it's all nots, okay? 154 00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:56,970 Rebels of the altar. It's just us. 155 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,640 -Right. -It's you and me. 156 00:05:58,670 --> 00:05:59,850 -You and me. -You and me. 157 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,400 -Okay. -Okay? 158 00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,980 -[sighs] Yeah. Okay. 159 00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:06,810 But, like, what if I lose control? 160 00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:07,810 -Yeah, what if you lose-- That's right. 161 00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:09,310 -Because I'm really on the edge. 162 00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:11,480 -I think--I think that perhaps we need a safe word. 163 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:12,400 -That'd be good. 164 00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:15,030 -Yeah. -Okay. Like, um... 165 00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:17,360 -Um... -...uh... 166 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:18,740 -I know. -What? 167 00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:21,410 -Like, like, um, Halloween 1999... 168 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,410 -Yeah. -...in a sea of Bill Clintons 169 00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,000 and Monica Lewinskys... -Uh-huh. 170 00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:27,170 -...and Linda Tripps, there were only two... 171 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,670 -Janet Renos. -Yeah. 172 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:31,250 -Oh. Janet Reno. -Janet Reno. Safe word. 173 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:32,750 -I love it. -I love you. 174 00:06:32,790 --> 00:06:35,050 -I fucking love you. -Okay. 175 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,180 -Okay. Okay. But that flower is not... 176 00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:39,510 -Hey, hey. -...in the center. 177 00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:41,010 -Hey, come on. -Okay. I'm gonna... 178 00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:42,280 -Cool. Let's go. Come on. -I'm gonna let it go. 179 00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:46,520 -Countdown to guest arrival, T-minus 25 minutes. Twenty-five. 180 00:06:46,550 --> 00:06:47,350 -I did. I did. 181 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:48,350 -No. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 182 00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:49,600 -Hey, hey! -Martin. 183 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,270 -Hey, how are you? -Congratulations. 184 00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:55,780 Ohh. Mwah. Oh! 185 00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:58,860 Oh. Oh, sweet redeemer. Am I the first? 186 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,200 -Always. -You're punctual. 187 00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:01,780 -Oh. -And where's, uh--is it Dana? 188 00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:05,580 -No date, or...? -Uh, Dana and I are exploring 189 00:07:05,610 --> 00:07:07,370 our options in a good way. 190 00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:08,460 -Cool. -Okay. 191 00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:09,710 -I need you in the kitchen. 192 00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,040 -Uh, I'm greeting guests. 193 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,210 I'm supposed to be here. 194 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,920 -[mouths words] 195 00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:15,090 What? 196 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,930 -[mouths words] 197 00:07:19,330 --> 00:07:20,350 -Okay. 198 00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:22,720 It's nothing. -Okay. 199 00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:23,890 -Nothing. -Is everything okay? 200 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,060 -Yes, good. -Um, so, well? 201 00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:27,890 -Oh, Dana felt that she needed... 202 00:07:27,930 --> 00:07:29,560 -No, no, no, about the... -Oh, oh, oh. 203 00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:31,060 You--you know what? Let's not talk tomato. 204 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,560 -Oh, they passed. -No, it's.... 205 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,730 -They fucking passed. What? -It's fine. It's fine. 206 00:07:34,770 --> 00:07:36,440 -VC assholes. 207 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,650 They've got no vision, they've got no fucking... 208 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:39,450 -Hey. -...balls. 209 00:07:39,490 --> 00:07:40,950 -Hey, hey, we'll get there, okay? 210 00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:42,240 I know a guy at Monsanto. 211 00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:44,580 -Kill me if we end up at Monsanto. 212 00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:45,740 [Lindy chuckling] 213 00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:47,080 Hey. -Hi. 214 00:07:47,110 --> 00:07:48,580 -Hey. So how was your nothing? 215 00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:50,170 It's fine. Yes, it'll be fine. 216 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,500 -Good. 217 00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:52,920 -How is everything? Everything fine? 218 00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,250 -Fine, fine, fine. Good. 219 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:55,590 -Oh, they passed? 220 00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:56,920 -No, no, no, it's Dana. 221 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,800 We're hoping she'll come through, right? 222 00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:02,260 -Um, yeah. Um, hey, you know, I'll be at the bar. 223 00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:03,730 -Cool. Okay. -Yeah. 224 00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:07,100 -Diane, Walt. 225 00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:09,640 -Walt needs to use the restroom. 226 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,100 The signage here, lacking. 227 00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:14,480 -Uh, down the hall, first left on the left. 228 00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:17,320 -Left? Right. -No, left. 229 00:08:17,350 --> 00:08:20,280 -Okay. Right. 230 00:08:20,310 --> 00:08:22,160 -Good luck. Walter: Thank you. 231 00:08:23,020 --> 00:08:24,080 -Okay. 232 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,120 -Snub. Noted. 233 00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:30,040 Les, has he cancelled yet? -Who? 234 00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:32,670 -Jim. -Uh, no, no, no, he's confirmed. 235 00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,460 -Who said? -Lindy said. 236 00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:36,500 -No, he's not coming. You need to prepare. 237 00:08:36,540 --> 00:08:37,500 -Prepare for what? 238 00:08:37,540 --> 00:08:39,630 -Heartbreak, drama, tears. 239 00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:41,510 Walt will walk Lindy down the aisle. 240 00:08:41,540 --> 00:08:42,550 -I think Lindy wanted her dad... 241 00:08:42,580 --> 00:08:43,640 -It's handled. 242 00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:45,220 Walt will step in for Jim. 243 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:47,860 Crisis averted, less drama, fewer tears. 244 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,070 [Lindy laughs] 245 00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:00,740 [haunting music playing] 246 00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,200 [camera whirs then beeps] 247 00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:05,240 woman: Ready? And what is the secret 248 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,740 to a happy marriage? 249 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,870 -There is no secret. Walt? 250 00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,040 -Nope. -No. 251 00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:14,540 And happy? Unsustainable. 252 00:09:14,570 --> 00:09:15,710 Enough said. 253 00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:17,250 But I will say, 254 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,130 I know it's fashionable these days 255 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,050 for everyone to express every single feeling 256 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,720 at every single moment, but as far as I'm concerned, 257 00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:29,260 it doesn't do anyone the slightest bit of good. 258 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,820 And marriage--Walt? 259 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,060 -Be nice. 260 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:41,200 -And if you can't be nice... be silent. 261 00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:43,200 Walt? 262 00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,290 [jazz music playing] 263 00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:53,000 [Lindy chuckling] 264 00:09:53,030 --> 00:09:54,830 -Why the fuck are you two doing this? 265 00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,250 -Terry. 266 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,330 -You mean, why are we doing marriage? 267 00:09:58,370 --> 00:10:00,130 Hey, hey. -Uh-hmm. Hi. 268 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,920 -Hi, hi. -Okay. Be nice. Okay. 269 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,680 -I do have the greatest wedding present ever. 270 00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:07,680 Open it now. 271 00:10:07,710 --> 00:10:09,010 -No, we're doing gifts, like, after... 272 00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:10,150 -Now, damn it. 273 00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:12,320 Lindy: Okay. Is this what I think it is? 274 00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:14,770 Terry: We have a ton of work to do. 275 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,490 Les: Oh, no, we don't--hey. -Stop, it can't wait. 276 00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:22,280 -No, it has to wait. I mean, I have to be here. 277 00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:23,530 -Well, you want to be here. 278 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:24,990 -Yes, I want to be here. -Yeah. 279 00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:26,450 -I want to... -You have to be here? 280 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,320 All right, Stepford. -I want to be here. 281 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,780 It's my wedding. 282 00:10:29,820 --> 00:10:30,870 -And we agreed that we wouldn't do any work 283 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,490 on the wedding. -Right. 284 00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:34,040 -Uh, does your book go to print Monday, Tomatohead? 285 00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:35,880 -What? You told her about the tomato? 286 00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,870 -Was it a secret? -Yeah. 287 00:10:37,910 --> 00:10:39,790 Word could get out. -We don't have any secrets. 288 00:10:39,830 --> 00:10:41,880 Get used to it, Leslie. -"Word can get out"? 289 00:10:41,910 --> 00:10:42,960 -You have no right to call me Leslie. 290 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:43,960 -Is it not your name? 291 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,510 -You have no emotional right. 292 00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:46,630 -Okay. Hey, hey, baby. Hey, look who's here, 293 00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:47,930 your mom and dad. 294 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:49,850 Les: Oh. 295 00:10:50,990 --> 00:10:53,470 Lindy, Mom and Dad are here. -I--I'm right behind you. 296 00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:54,770 -Okay. -I'm right behind you. 297 00:10:56,510 --> 00:10:58,350 -"Mom and Dad." How sweet. 298 00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:00,230 -Yeah, I am going all fucking in 299 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,810 on this new normal family. 300 00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:02,880 -There is no normal. 301 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,480 Do you want your book in Barnes and Noble or what? 302 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:05,820 -Yeah, of course I do. Take a drink. 303 00:11:05,850 --> 00:11:07,360 -I'm getting blurbs from France, 304 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,910 I'm getting blurbs from Donna Tartt. 305 00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:10,320 -What? -She doesn't blurb. 306 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,330 And here you are worrying about fucking canapes. 307 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,630 -Oh, my God. 308 00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:16,300 -What happened to our pact? 309 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,330 -Terry. -We marry our careers. 310 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:22,220 We breed success only. We date and dump. 311 00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:24,920 No marriage, no traditional gender roles, 312 00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:27,340 no Midwesterners, no cowboys. New Yorkers... 313 00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:28,680 need only apply. -Need only apply. 314 00:11:28,710 --> 00:11:31,590 We were young and we were not serious. 315 00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,350 -We were deadly serious. 316 00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:34,760 -Yeah, but that was when I didn't think 317 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,850 I was ever gonna... -No, no. Don't say love. 318 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,430 -...have actual love in my life. 319 00:11:38,470 --> 00:11:40,280 -I will throw myself off the roof of this hotel. 320 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,740 -Is it the wedding you're mad about? 321 00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:46,440 Or is it Les? -Fine. I don't like either. 322 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,860 But my concern is less about Les and more about you 323 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:52,280 moving to the fucking suburbs and being unable to write. 324 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,740 -I am not moving to the suburbs. 325 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,290 Les doesn't want that either. 326 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,580 I will never not write, and I don't vacuum, 327 00:11:57,610 --> 00:11:58,920 so I will be me. 328 00:11:59,660 --> 00:12:01,420 -Now I know I'm fucked. 329 00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:03,880 -It's a wedding. It's not a death sentence. 330 00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:05,640 -Mm, they're one and the same. 331 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,720 -Yeah, thank you, Mrs. Littlejohn. 332 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:11,130 -How was the journey down? -Oh, no, no, no. Nancy, dear. 333 00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:12,390 Or Mom, you can use. -How was the drive down? 334 00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:13,760 -Uh, long. Long. My leg cramped up. 335 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,890 -I don't wanna stir the pot and upset Diane. 336 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,100 -Oh, no. -Well, I--Mom, it is. 337 00:12:16,130 --> 00:12:17,810 -Aww. Yay. -Can I get you anything? 338 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,140 Like ice or aspirin? Or... 339 00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:21,060 -Oh, no, no. I'm not crying about it. 340 00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:22,900 -The Littlejohns are here! Les: Hey! Whoa! 341 00:12:22,930 --> 00:12:23,960 [laughing] 342 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,400 -Hey, where can we get a real drink in this dump? 343 00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:28,900 Hey. Good to see you. -Hey, buddy. 344 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,570 -Mm, Lindy, looking hot. Lindy: Okay, Sam. 345 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,950 Well, your wife's right there. Okay. [laughs] 346 00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:35,910 -Congrats, bro. -Thanks, buddy. 347 00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,240 [Les groans] Lindy: Jesus! 348 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,330 Watch the family jewels, there. 349 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,960 -Boys, leave your brother alone. 350 00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:45,420 -Mommy's not gonna come to your defense anymore, Leslie, eh? 351 00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:47,090 -That's Lindy's job now. 352 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,420 -Yeah, well, I'm gonna... Ha, ha, ha. Okay, guys. 353 00:12:50,460 --> 00:12:51,800 Get in the bar, you know. -Come on, let's get a drink. 354 00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,090 Come on, come on. Lindy: Yeah, get a drink, huh? 355 00:12:54,130 --> 00:12:55,300 Great to see you. 356 00:12:55,330 --> 00:12:57,430 Frank Jr.: Did you see his face? Oh, my God. What a loser. 357 00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:59,100 -Do you need ice or anything? 358 00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:00,820 Are you gonna throw up? 359 00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:08,570 -Okay... here we go. 360 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,780 Thank you. 361 00:13:11,810 --> 00:13:14,820 Welcome, everyone. Welcome. Lindy: Welcome. 362 00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,950 Um, we can't tell you how honored we are 363 00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,700 to have you all here. Uh... -Yes. 364 00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:20,880 Many of you know that Les and I 365 00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:23,370 never planned to do any of this. 366 00:13:23,410 --> 00:13:24,620 -Nope. -Nope. 367 00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:26,710 -Nope. Not at all. No way. -Nope. 368 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,460 Uh, but I did know, I did know, 369 00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:30,300 I will tell you this, that I did know that when, 370 00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:33,020 um, the first moment that I--that I met her, 371 00:13:33,450 --> 00:13:36,510 something inside me changed. 372 00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:38,640 And I knew that I wanted to, um... 373 00:13:38,670 --> 00:13:40,190 I wanted her in my life forever... 374 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:44,530 and ever. -And ever, yes. Thank you. 375 00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,020 Um, well, alcohol and a sexy Halloween costume 376 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,240 will do that to you. 377 00:13:49,610 --> 00:13:50,980 That's what got me. 378 00:13:51,020 --> 00:13:54,150 -Um, I will say that our first date, 379 00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:55,860 like, got off to a bit of a rocky start, though. 380 00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,990 -Ohh. -Because I had asked her to, 381 00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,330 um, the classiest restaurant 382 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,490 that my-- my grad student stipend 383 00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:03,200 would allow, the Olive Garden. 384 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,500 Lindy: Ohh. Les: Wonderful. 385 00:14:05,530 --> 00:14:09,500 I was so scared, anticipating Lindy's arrival. 386 00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:12,590 I was sitting there waiting, waiting, and waiting, 387 00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,590 until it became obvious to me, 388 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,880 and to the entire restaurant, that she wasn't coming. 389 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,050 And she had stood me up 390 00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:21,260 at the Olive Garden. -[crowd groans] 391 00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,270 Uh, and finally a waiter came over 392 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:26,690 and asked if there was anything else I needed, um... 393 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,860 My dignity, my pride, maybe. -[crowd laughs] 394 00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:31,020 Um, and I was about to ask for the check 395 00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:34,190 when a voice rang out... 396 00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:37,200 -"Your finest house red, unlimited breadsticks, 397 00:14:37,230 --> 00:14:38,870 and an apology for the sad, 398 00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:41,200 sexy sack at table nine." 399 00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:43,410 [crowd laughs] Les: I'm glad I waited. 400 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,250 Because those breadsticks were really good. 401 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,300 To you. 402 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,800 And to me, and to forever. 403 00:14:54,910 --> 00:14:59,550 -To all of those things and to you, to you for... 404 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:01,220 -To you. -...making the trip. 405 00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:02,600 We really-- we love you all so much. 406 00:15:02,630 --> 00:15:04,140 Thank you. -We do. Let's eat. 407 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,610 -Yes. -[crowd cheering] 408 00:15:08,090 --> 00:15:10,480 -Aww, lovely speech. Thank you both. 409 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,900 -Thank you. 410 00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:14,120 Aww. Well. Cute, right? 411 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,950 [sighs and clears throat] 412 00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:23,660 -Uh, attention. 413 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,330 We're having a small issue in the kitchen, 414 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,250 a tiny delay with dinner. 415 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,830 So we're bringing cocktails for everyone 416 00:15:29,870 --> 00:15:31,420 to enjoy in the interim. 417 00:15:31,450 --> 00:15:32,420 [men cheering] -Great. 418 00:15:32,450 --> 00:15:36,420 -No, I have to go. -No, no, no. We hate this. 419 00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:37,920 -More cocktails? 420 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,470 You know how many cocktails she's already had? 421 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:40,930 -We hate this. -This is a recipe for disaster. 422 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,180 -We hate this. 423 00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:44,600 -Gasoline. The match is lit. 424 00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:47,730 -The match is lit. Thank you. 425 00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:50,980 -It is what it is, isn't it? [fakes laughing] 426 00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:53,030 [clears throat and sighs] 427 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,830 -[chuckles] Keeping romance alive. 428 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,620 Les is a hopeless romantic at heart. 429 00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:06,870 Do you remember those sweet poems he used to-- 430 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,000 he used to write when he was little, dear? 431 00:16:09,030 --> 00:16:10,670 -Mm. -He would--he would put them 432 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,040 on our pillow every night... 433 00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:13,460 -Uh-hmm. -...before he went to sleep. 434 00:16:13,490 --> 00:16:15,890 -Glad he grew out of that one, or... 435 00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:18,630 -I-I remember, um, 436 00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,300 "Twinkle, twinkle, little me, how I wonder... 437 00:16:21,330 --> 00:16:22,720 -Yeah, okay. The rest of it, -"...what I'll be." 438 00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:25,400 -they get it. They get it. -[both chuckle] 439 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,480 -Bride or groom? -Lindy. Best friend. 440 00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:36,980 -Oh. Oh, yeah. Les is my best friend. 441 00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:39,650 Yeah, how come our paths have never crossed? 442 00:16:39,690 --> 00:16:41,540 -Oh, I don't like him. I mean, do you? 443 00:16:43,190 --> 00:16:46,200 -I never thought about it. -Huh. You didn't say yes. 444 00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:48,540 -Oh, well, now, you... you caught me off guard. 445 00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:51,370 Well, isn't-- doesn't best friend imply yes? 446 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,670 -Not always. 447 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,210 -I get the impression you don't wanna be here? 448 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,100 -Lindy wants me here, so I'm here. 449 00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:01,930 -You here with a plus-one? 450 00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:05,060 -Why, no. 451 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:06,560 Where's your date? 452 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,160 -It's complicated. 453 00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:10,730 -Ugh, complicated leads to all of this. 454 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,400 -You're very direct. 455 00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:16,410 -You like it? -I don't know if I do. 456 00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,860 -You will. Lindy: Hi. 457 00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:21,830 Martin: I don't know if I will. Terry: Just wait. 458 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,280 -So you're ready for the show? -Oh, yes. 459 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,870 Gary, when do you think the show will start? 460 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,290 -What show? 461 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,790 -Wait, is this your first McMichael event? 462 00:17:31,820 --> 00:17:33,710 -Have you never been to a McMichael event? 463 00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:36,420 -Yeah, I--no. Why? -Things are gonna get nuts. 464 00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:38,710 -Oh, we guarantee it. Nuts. 465 00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:42,550 -I predict blood. -Yes. Blood. 466 00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:43,630 both: Mm-hmm. 467 00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:46,220 -What kind of blood? What? 468 00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:49,270 -Look at me. Tell me. 469 00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:52,280 [whispers] Is this what you really want? 470 00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:58,560 -Terry. -Ha, you didn't say yes. 471 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,900 -Are you working at your wedding? 472 00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:02,950 -My book goes to print Monday. 473 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,450 Hi. Welcome. How many is that? 474 00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:12,240 -I told Les, Walt will walk you down the aisle. 475 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,790 -Dad will. 476 00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:16,460 -Optimism is naive and not you. 477 00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:18,920 -You have been perfectly cast as negativity. 478 00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:20,630 -Typecast. Hi, Diane. 479 00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:22,640 -You're not helping. Hi, Terry. 480 00:18:23,110 --> 00:18:25,930 Need I remind you how many times your father was a no-show? 481 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,340 Pick an event. -Mom, your grievances 482 00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:29,760 are not my grievances. 483 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,770 -I was the one left to pick up the pieces. 484 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,980 -Oh, you mean kick the pieces 485 00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:36,650 and say "I told you so." 486 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,020 -If you don't wanna follow in your father's footsteps, 487 00:18:41,060 --> 00:18:43,480 you should be over there with your husband-to-be. 488 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,820 That is your duty as wife-to-be. 489 00:18:46,850 --> 00:18:49,080 Don't mess this up, too. 490 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,710 -Mother of ice. 491 00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:58,090 What an exit. 492 00:18:58,490 --> 00:19:01,790 -Duty? -Well, you are a wife-to-be. 493 00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:04,460 -Oh, is that the book? -Yeah. 494 00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,630 -Am I in it? -Okay, no one's in it. 495 00:19:06,670 --> 00:19:07,630 It's fiction. 496 00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:09,550 -I cannot believe 497 00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,800 that you are getting married, 498 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,060 when you always said you never wanted to. 499 00:19:14,090 --> 00:19:15,940 And I always wanted to. 500 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,060 But I could never find the one, not that there is, like, a one, 501 00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:20,980 but I found him. 502 00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:21,980 -Oh. 503 00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:23,370 -Tim, this is my-- 504 00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:26,990 Has anyone seen Tim? 505 00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:30,460 -Um, Erin, is that him? 506 00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:34,410 -Oh, God. Uh, yeah. Isn't he great? 507 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,160 -Yeah, he's... -I'll be right back. 508 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,550 Hi, Terry. -Hi. 509 00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:39,870 [jazz music playing] 510 00:19:39,910 --> 00:19:42,500 -I don't know what love is. I don't know. 511 00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:45,250 None of us do. But they know. They know. 512 00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:47,050 -Last time I spoke to this many people 513 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,050 was for the launch of the Ford Taurus, 514 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,260 as some of you probably know I-I designed. 515 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,930 -Sorry, I'm gonna bring this down to human height. [laughs] 516 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,610 -I've known you a long time. 517 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,940 Long time, 'member? Les: Yeah. I do. 518 00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:02,690 -Oh, this, um, was Les' favorite song 519 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:03,900 when he was little. 520 00:20:03,930 --> 00:20:05,520 You'll remember it, Les. 521 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,400 ♪ I u-lu-lused to pla-lay-lay ♪ ♪ The ol-old banjo-lo ♪ 522 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,530 ♪ And re-te-lest it ♪ ♪ O-lo-lon my knee-lelelelee ♪ 523 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,030 -But honestly, when I first saw you two together, 524 00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:14,530 I was like, "Mm-mm, no way, never gonna happen. 525 00:20:14,570 --> 00:20:16,240 It's never gonna happen." 526 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:17,540 Meg: We're so happy for you. 527 00:20:17,570 --> 00:20:20,540 both: So happy for you. 528 00:20:20,570 --> 00:20:22,880 -To my much older sister, 529 00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:26,050 who found the one so easily. 530 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,250 'Cause of course. 531 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,880 -Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, you are... [inhales sharply] 532 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,470 You are hot. 533 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:33,590 -♪ And now-lo-low ♪ ♪ The stri-li-lings ♪ 534 00:20:33,630 --> 00:20:34,730 ♪ Are metal and so-lo-lo ♪ 535 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,650 ♪ This so-lo-long ♪ ♪ I si-li-ling for you ♪ 536 00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:41,100 -Anyway, I'm hopeful, you know. 537 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,400 I have my Tim. -[microphone whines] 538 00:20:43,430 --> 00:20:46,480 -We should ask them what love is, right? 539 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,790 -[glass shatters] -Oh! Drunk. [chuckles] 540 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,120 -Has anyone seen Tim? 541 00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:53,490 -♪ This so-lo-long ♪ ♪ I si-li-ling ♪ 542 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,210 ♪ For you-lu-lu-lu-lu ♪ 543 00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:02,800 -Love. It's a beautiful thing. 544 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,460 -Where the fuck is the food? -Minutes away, ma'am-- 545 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,920 I mean miss. 546 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,430 -Alice, you said that five minutes ago. 547 00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:15,140 -I know, I know, it's... Jim [on mic]: Peas and carrots. 548 00:21:18,130 --> 00:21:19,350 -Daddy. 549 00:21:19,380 --> 00:21:21,140 -You know, Lindy was born on my birthday, 550 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,520 stealing my thunder from day one. 551 00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:24,720 [laughter] 552 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:28,320 From the moment my baby girl breathed air, she screamed. 553 00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:30,820 And not just-been-born scream, no. 554 00:21:30,850 --> 00:21:34,000 This one, this one had something to say. 555 00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:37,120 And I thought, "Holy shit... -[both mouthing] 556 00:21:37,150 --> 00:21:38,620 ...now I got two women screaming at me." 557 00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:39,620 Hi, Diane. 558 00:21:39,650 --> 00:21:42,000 [laughter] 559 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,880 Then I held her in my arms 560 00:21:45,380 --> 00:21:47,290 and she suddenly stopped screaming. 561 00:21:47,330 --> 00:21:48,630 Silence. 562 00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:49,840 The nurse said she'd never seen 563 00:21:49,870 --> 00:21:51,130 anything like it. 564 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,680 She said, "You two belong together. 565 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,640 Like peas and carrots." -[people clapping] 566 00:21:57,670 --> 00:21:59,640 -He was in Milwaukee the day she was born. 567 00:21:59,670 --> 00:22:00,770 Jim: And to see her now, 568 00:22:01,670 --> 00:22:03,350 young, in love, 569 00:22:03,380 --> 00:22:05,070 getting married, 570 00:22:06,180 --> 00:22:07,570 bright futures ahead of you. 571 00:22:08,140 --> 00:22:11,230 It makes a man feel a little bit, uh, giddy 572 00:22:11,270 --> 00:22:12,530 just sharing the air with you. 573 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:13,900 [chuckles] 574 00:22:13,940 --> 00:22:15,030 As long as there's no screamin'. 575 00:22:15,060 --> 00:22:17,240 [laughter] 576 00:22:17,270 --> 00:22:19,540 -You know, when you got kids... 577 00:22:20,690 --> 00:22:23,460 you see a little bit of you in them. 578 00:22:24,740 --> 00:22:27,330 And when they find someone 579 00:22:27,370 --> 00:22:30,880 who loves them, it's... 580 00:22:30,910 --> 00:22:32,380 it's like that little piece of you 581 00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:34,430 is getting that love, too. 582 00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:38,230 It makes this old man feel... 583 00:22:41,210 --> 00:22:42,510 very proud. 584 00:22:42,550 --> 00:22:43,720 [crowd awwing] 585 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:45,730 Congratulations to you both. 586 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,390 I couldn't be happier. 587 00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:50,230 Hey, you're the peas and carrots now. 588 00:22:50,260 --> 00:22:51,440 [chuckles] 589 00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:54,410 [applause] 590 00:22:57,230 --> 00:22:59,700 -Speech of the night. -Speech of the night. 591 00:22:59,730 --> 00:23:00,950 -At least he didn't regale us 592 00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:02,790 with his so-called baseball career. 593 00:23:05,990 --> 00:23:08,420 -Oh, baby. [chuckles] 594 00:23:10,950 --> 00:23:13,130 -Oh, I'm so happy you're here. 595 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,850 -Gotta have someone on your team, kiddo. 596 00:23:15,450 --> 00:23:19,220 -Daddy, [clears throat] this is Les. 597 00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:21,050 -Mr. McMichael, an honor, sir. 598 00:23:21,090 --> 00:23:22,890 -Jim, never sir. 599 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,140 [chuckles] -Oh. 600 00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:26,270 -And the honor is mine. -Okay. 601 00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:27,890 -But there's an obligation I have as a father. 602 00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:30,100 And that is that if you break her heart... 603 00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:32,620 Les: Uh-hmm. -...I will break yours, son. 604 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,650 I'm kidding. [both laughing] 605 00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:40,410 -Clear, direct, threatening, uh, with warmth and jest. 606 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,330 I can see where Lindy gets it. 607 00:23:44,150 --> 00:23:45,490 Hey, hey. 608 00:23:45,530 --> 00:23:46,910 -Diane. 609 00:23:46,950 --> 00:23:48,120 -Jim. 610 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,160 -Walt. 611 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,750 -Jim. -Les. 612 00:23:50,780 --> 00:23:52,330 -Oh, uh, Kevin! 613 00:23:52,370 --> 00:23:53,590 -Mom. 614 00:23:53,620 --> 00:23:54,680 -Lindy. 615 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,260 -So, how about that book of hers? 616 00:24:01,290 --> 00:24:03,350 -My--you read it? -Read it? 617 00:24:03,380 --> 00:24:05,810 -It's incredible. You're a big talent, Lindy. 618 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,930 -Dad. -Chip off the old block. 619 00:24:07,970 --> 00:24:09,770 And, boy, did you get the Diane character 620 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,440 down to a tee. Lindy: Dad. 621 00:24:11,470 --> 00:24:13,360 -Yeah. It kept me looking over my shoulder, kiddo. 622 00:24:13,390 --> 00:24:14,940 -I'm--I'm--I'm in it? 623 00:24:14,970 --> 00:24:16,480 -No, nobody's in it. It's fiction. 624 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,820 -I'm a--I'm a character in your book 625 00:24:17,850 --> 00:24:19,030 and you managed to send him 626 00:24:19,060 --> 00:24:20,110 an advance copy 627 00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:21,780 to address unknown, 628 00:24:21,810 --> 00:24:23,370 but not me? -Mom. 629 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:25,330 -Walt? 630 00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:28,090 -Diane. -Mom. 631 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,670 -Kevin! 632 00:24:34,830 --> 00:24:36,630 -Leslie, show Dad what you were showing me. 633 00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:38,210 -Oh, no, no. It's early days. 634 00:24:38,250 --> 00:24:40,130 It's not--no, no. -Show him. It's extraordinary. 635 00:24:40,170 --> 00:24:42,550 Frank. Yeah. -Yeah, show me. Come on. 636 00:24:42,580 --> 00:24:44,850 -Okay. If you're sure. -Food's not here yet. 637 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,140 -See? It's the perfect time. Go on, dear. 638 00:24:47,170 --> 00:24:49,890 -Okay. Well, um, Dad, 639 00:24:49,930 --> 00:24:52,640 I... [chuckles] I am on the brink 640 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:56,020 of inventing the GMO tomato. 641 00:24:56,060 --> 00:24:57,820 -Oh. -It's the... 642 00:24:57,850 --> 00:25:00,030 So the genetically modified tomato really has the potential 643 00:25:00,060 --> 00:25:03,160 to, um, change agriculture as we know it. 644 00:25:03,190 --> 00:25:05,490 And Monsanto, uh, is interested, actually. 645 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,240 -Hasn't the tomato already been invented? 646 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:08,660 -Yeah, but this is a new kind of-- 647 00:25:08,690 --> 00:25:10,000 this is a different kind of tomato. 648 00:25:10,030 --> 00:25:11,660 -You love tomatoes, Frank. 649 00:25:11,700 --> 00:25:13,470 -I do love tomatoes in the sandwich. 650 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,250 Does it-- does it look like a tomato? 651 00:25:18,290 --> 00:25:20,210 -Yeah, but it's genetically modified. 652 00:25:20,250 --> 00:25:21,670 -And it tastes like a tomato? 653 00:25:21,710 --> 00:25:23,230 -Yes. But--yeah. 654 00:25:24,380 --> 00:25:26,010 -It's a tomato? -It is. It is. Yeah. 655 00:25:26,050 --> 00:25:27,060 Frank: Nice. 656 00:25:28,090 --> 00:25:29,600 -Yup. Yup. 657 00:25:29,630 --> 00:25:31,350 -You see? He's impressed. 658 00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:33,150 -[laughs] Yeah. 659 00:25:43,730 --> 00:25:45,860 -Uh, bullshit to marriage, bullshit to happy. 660 00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:48,780 Do you wanna know what genre I file romance under? Fantasy. 661 00:25:48,820 --> 00:25:50,370 And as for Lindy and the Nutty Professor, 662 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:51,910 science fiction. 663 00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:53,370 I'm just waiting for the day my phone rings 664 00:25:53,410 --> 00:25:55,260 and she's accidentally got two heads. 665 00:25:56,910 --> 00:25:59,300 -Attention, distinguished guests. 666 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,090 The food is on its way. all: Whoo! 667 00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,630 Alice: Please return to your seats 668 00:26:03,670 --> 00:26:05,050 in a timely manner and we'll-- 669 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,520 [microphone squeals] Diane: "Chapter Nine, 670 00:26:07,460 --> 00:26:09,720 Mother of Ice." 671 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,220 -Oh, fuck. 672 00:26:11,260 --> 00:26:14,480 -"My mother was not kind or warm." 673 00:26:14,510 --> 00:26:16,100 -Walt, go stop her. -Yeah. 674 00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:17,900 -Do something. -I'm no hero. 675 00:26:17,930 --> 00:26:19,400 Diane: "...emotional icicle." Lindy: Okay. All right. 676 00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:20,980 Everybody, take your seats. Sit down. 677 00:26:21,020 --> 00:26:22,480 Don't worry, everybody. Mom. 678 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:23,940 -"Her feelings frozen into harsh..." 679 00:26:23,980 --> 00:26:25,650 -Okay. We're gonna eat. -"...jagged edges..." 680 00:26:25,690 --> 00:26:27,070 -Let's, uh... Diane: "...ready to impale 681 00:26:27,110 --> 00:26:28,740 anyone who got too..." 682 00:26:28,770 --> 00:26:30,330 Lindy: Stop it. -Diane. 683 00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:31,290 -You're ruining--Mom, what the fuck are you doing? 684 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:32,740 You're ruining my wedding. 685 00:26:32,780 --> 00:26:34,250 Les: Diane, would you like some coffee? 686 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:35,500 Where is, uh, Kevin? Diane: "As soon as..." 687 00:26:35,530 --> 00:26:36,830 Lindy: You know what? Let's just... 688 00:26:36,870 --> 00:26:38,330 Les: Kevin? Kevin? -I'm--I'm-- 689 00:26:38,370 --> 00:26:39,630 "as soon as my mother..." -Diane. Diane. 690 00:26:39,660 --> 00:26:40,590 -Kevin! -"...temperature dropped, 691 00:26:40,620 --> 00:26:41,620 the air sparked." 692 00:26:41,650 --> 00:26:42,920 -When you want him, he's never freakin' there. 693 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,760 Kevin! We need coffee. 694 00:26:44,790 --> 00:26:47,090 -Okay. Let's just--can I unplug this? 695 00:26:47,130 --> 00:26:48,930 -Yeah. It's a good idea, great idea. 696 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,300 Diane: "...scorned my mother's love." 697 00:26:50,340 --> 00:26:51,600 Lindy: Unplug it. Mom. 698 00:26:51,630 --> 00:26:52,510 Jim: What are you doing? 699 00:26:52,550 --> 00:26:54,020 -"Hell hath no fury 700 00:26:54,050 --> 00:26:57,440 "like a repressed middle-aged mother scorned. 701 00:26:57,470 --> 00:26:59,150 "My mother's love, conditional. 702 00:26:59,180 --> 00:27:00,940 "It had to be earned, it had to be controlled." 703 00:27:00,970 --> 00:27:02,440 -Kevin! Diane: Unhand me. 704 00:27:02,470 --> 00:27:05,280 Diane: Ah! -[screams] I'm burning! 705 00:27:05,310 --> 00:27:07,990 -He's fine. He's fine. He's not burning. 706 00:27:08,020 --> 00:27:11,120 -"My mother was not one to forget or forgive." 707 00:27:11,150 --> 00:27:13,620 -Mother, stop! 708 00:27:13,650 --> 00:27:15,330 -We're getting out of here. Walt. 709 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,620 -[crowd gasps] -Oh, Jesus! Fuck, Diane! 710 00:27:18,660 --> 00:27:21,460 -Drop the knife, Mom. Put the knife down. 711 00:27:21,490 --> 00:27:24,380 -Oh! Ow, ow, ow, ow! -[crowd gasping] 712 00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:26,010 I've been stabbed! -Oh, Les. 713 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,220 man: Oh, fuck! Les: I've been stabbed! 714 00:27:27,250 --> 00:27:28,680 Femoral artery, I could bleed out! 715 00:27:28,710 --> 00:27:29,610 -I gotta pull it, right? 716 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,140 -No, don't pull it out. Lindy: It's okay. 717 00:27:31,170 --> 00:27:33,470 Les: I don't think it's gonna be fine with me! 718 00:27:33,510 --> 00:27:34,470 Lindy: I'm gonna take it out. 719 00:27:34,510 --> 00:27:35,240 -I really don't think you should take it out. 720 00:27:35,270 --> 00:27:36,110 -Three, two, one! -No, Lindy! 721 00:27:36,140 --> 00:27:39,350 [all gasp] [Les and Lindy screaming] 722 00:27:39,390 --> 00:27:41,480 -Everybody's getting stabbed. 723 00:27:41,510 --> 00:27:43,480 -Oh, let's get you out of here, dear. 724 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,200 [grunts] [microphone squeals] 725 00:27:46,060 --> 00:27:48,320 [gasping] 726 00:27:48,350 --> 00:27:49,990 -[screaming] -Oh, my God. 727 00:27:50,020 --> 00:27:52,160 -Walter, could you restrain your fuckin' wife! 728 00:27:52,190 --> 00:27:53,910 -Walt. Walt. -Don't tell me what to do. 729 00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:56,660 -Come on! Go there! -I'm telling ya... [grunting] 730 00:27:56,700 --> 00:27:58,660 -I fuckin' will. 731 00:27:58,700 --> 00:27:59,540 -Dad! -Frank! 732 00:27:59,570 --> 00:28:00,920 -Jim! -Frank! 733 00:28:00,950 --> 00:28:02,920 -[screaming] 734 00:28:02,950 --> 00:28:04,670 [indistinct shouting] 735 00:28:04,700 --> 00:28:07,420 -Holy Gracious Savior, you called it. 736 00:28:07,460 --> 00:28:09,010 -A double stabbing. 737 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,090 -Should've put money on it. 738 00:28:10,130 --> 00:28:12,430 -Marriage. Blood sport. 739 00:28:12,460 --> 00:28:14,890 -Will everybody please sit down 740 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,270 and enjoy the fucking tuna tartare?! 741 00:28:18,300 --> 00:28:21,320 [indistinct chatter] 742 00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:27,580 officer: Uh, what happened exactly? 743 00:28:28,770 --> 00:28:30,250 -Rehearsal dinner. 744 00:28:32,230 --> 00:28:33,170 -Got it. 745 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,840 -By the way, I liked your speech a lot. 746 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:40,590 -By the way... 747 00:28:41,660 --> 00:28:45,510 I liked your face a lot. 748 00:28:46,410 --> 00:28:48,470 -My room, let's go. Now. 749 00:28:49,750 --> 00:28:51,680 -Bless this shepherd. 750 00:28:52,420 --> 00:28:54,050 I should probably introduce myself... 751 00:28:54,090 --> 00:28:55,440 -Don't. -...I'm--oh. 752 00:28:58,420 --> 00:29:00,980 woman: What's the secret to a happy marriage? 753 00:29:01,010 --> 00:29:02,780 -Being in sync. -Being...in sync. 754 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,730 [Les laughing] 755 00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:09,950 -Such a shit... -What a shit show. [laughs] 756 00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:13,540 -Oh, my God, my family. 757 00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:16,120 Always with the drama. -Oh, my God. Fuck. 758 00:29:16,150 --> 00:29:17,910 -I mean, I only wanted to get married 759 00:29:17,940 --> 00:29:19,580 to join your normal family 760 00:29:19,610 --> 00:29:23,500 so I could escape from the madness of my own. 761 00:29:23,530 --> 00:29:24,550 -Only? 762 00:29:27,290 --> 00:29:28,300 Only? 763 00:29:29,450 --> 00:29:31,420 [tense music playing] 764 00:29:31,460 --> 00:29:32,520 -Les. 765 00:29:33,550 --> 00:29:37,150 -You only wanted to get married to join my normal family? 766 00:29:38,670 --> 00:29:42,150 Do you have any idea how small that makes me feel? 767 00:29:44,140 --> 00:29:45,360 -Whoa, hey. 768 00:29:46,970 --> 00:29:48,660 Nothing's changed. 769 00:29:50,140 --> 00:29:51,690 And I love you. 770 00:29:51,730 --> 00:29:55,360 -Not enough to not work 771 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,450 at our rehearsal dinner, right? 772 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,380 Maybe I could--maybe I could still feel my thigh. 773 00:30:01,210 --> 00:30:04,290 -What happened to, "Everything that goes bad 774 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:05,960 is good, makes for a better story"? 775 00:30:05,990 --> 00:30:10,130 Are-- We're not even doing this for real, are we? 776 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:11,850 -I don't know. Are we? 777 00:30:13,330 --> 00:30:14,970 -What's happening? 778 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,680 Is this maybe the drugs talking? 779 00:30:17,710 --> 00:30:21,640 -Uh, maybe, maybe. But maybe not. 780 00:30:21,670 --> 00:30:22,810 -Hang on. Where are you going? 781 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:24,810 -Going to my room. 782 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,730 -I mean, come-- Les, let's just fuck that 783 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,900 traditional wedding superstition stuff. 784 00:30:28,930 --> 00:30:30,700 -Well, you wanna-- you wanna fuck the wedding? 785 00:30:33,350 --> 00:30:34,650 -That is not what I just said. 786 00:30:34,690 --> 00:30:36,150 -But that's what you meant. 787 00:30:36,190 --> 00:30:37,370 -No. -Wait. 788 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:39,910 What's this? 789 00:30:39,940 --> 00:30:41,830 Lindy: I--come--I...I... 790 00:30:41,860 --> 00:30:45,040 -"Let"-- That's your vow? "Let's do this thing"? 791 00:30:45,070 --> 00:30:46,420 -Come on. I... Les: That? 792 00:30:46,450 --> 00:30:47,830 -That's--I--I'm-- 793 00:30:47,870 --> 00:30:49,000 tomorrow I'm gonna-- I wanted to be... 794 00:30:49,030 --> 00:30:50,170 -I got it. I got it. 795 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,000 It really is a fucking wedding. 796 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:53,510 I understand. 797 00:30:53,540 --> 00:30:54,720 -Hey, where--where-- Wait. 798 00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,340 Am I gonna see you tomorrow? 799 00:30:59,380 --> 00:31:00,730 -Am I gonna see you tomorrow? 800 00:31:10,890 --> 00:31:13,740 [soft music playing] 801 00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:18,700 -Hey. 802 00:31:18,730 --> 00:31:19,790 -Hey. 803 00:31:20,980 --> 00:31:22,000 Cold feet? 804 00:31:22,610 --> 00:31:23,750 -Maybe. 805 00:31:24,780 --> 00:31:25,790 -Drink? 806 00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:27,960 -Yeah. -All right. 807 00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:35,590 -I'm sorry about your arm. 808 00:31:35,620 --> 00:31:37,630 -Aw, she's been waitin' 20 years 809 00:31:37,670 --> 00:31:39,020 to stab me with something. 810 00:31:39,750 --> 00:31:40,770 It's okay. 811 00:31:43,590 --> 00:31:45,320 -I think this wedding was a mistake. 812 00:31:47,430 --> 00:31:49,490 -The wedding or the marriage? 813 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,270 I gotta say, I never thought I'd see 814 00:31:53,310 --> 00:31:56,120 my little firecracker settle down. 815 00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,950 -But you like Les, right? 816 00:32:00,270 --> 00:32:02,620 -You chose dependable over exciting. 817 00:32:02,650 --> 00:32:04,120 -Is that bad? 818 00:32:04,150 --> 00:32:06,380 -We don't do dependable, me and you. 819 00:32:09,780 --> 00:32:10,800 Hmm. 820 00:32:12,370 --> 00:32:13,970 -I wanted normal. 821 00:32:15,290 --> 00:32:16,390 I've never had normal. 822 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,090 -Well... [sighs] 823 00:32:21,130 --> 00:32:23,690 not-normal fueled your talent. 824 00:32:24,650 --> 00:32:28,600 Hell, you wrote a fantastic book because of it. 825 00:32:28,630 --> 00:32:30,990 Normal can kill a creative spark. 826 00:32:33,310 --> 00:32:35,660 -That's why I can't write my vows maybe. 827 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,160 -Could be. Jeez, I should know. 828 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,120 Before I met Diane, I was a lock for the majors. 829 00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,450 But you know the story. -Yep. 830 00:32:46,490 --> 00:32:48,790 Yeah. You got married, and then, the armoire... 831 00:32:48,820 --> 00:32:50,290 -The armoire, whatever, -...to go... 832 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:51,790 that dresser thing she wanted upstairs. 833 00:32:51,820 --> 00:32:53,120 Had to have it upstairs, 834 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,840 and then, tore a ligament and... 835 00:32:55,870 --> 00:32:57,300 that was that. 836 00:32:57,330 --> 00:32:59,050 -Yeah. -Goodbye, baseball career. 837 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,220 -You really think you would've been a baseball star 838 00:33:01,250 --> 00:33:02,730 if you hadn't married Mom? 839 00:33:04,380 --> 00:33:05,440 -Hm. 840 00:33:06,670 --> 00:33:08,220 After we divorced, 841 00:33:08,260 --> 00:33:10,480 I started playing down in the Mexican Pacific League. 842 00:33:10,510 --> 00:33:12,060 Everyone thought I was washed up. 843 00:33:12,090 --> 00:33:13,980 The coach was, uh, forced to sign me. 844 00:33:14,010 --> 00:33:16,690 So, yeah, he benched me game after game. 845 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:20,200 And one day, their star player 846 00:33:21,350 --> 00:33:22,820 got injured, and coach had no choice 847 00:33:22,850 --> 00:33:24,790 but to send me in to bat. 848 00:33:25,290 --> 00:33:27,160 First pitch, swing and a miss. 849 00:33:27,190 --> 00:33:29,660 Second pitch, another whiff. 850 00:33:29,690 --> 00:33:31,830 If I blow it, I'm done. 851 00:33:31,860 --> 00:33:33,670 The next pitch, I hit that goddamn ball 852 00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:36,500 so hard it smashes out the stadium lights, 853 00:33:36,540 --> 00:33:39,670 sparks flying onto the field, crowd goes wild. 854 00:33:39,700 --> 00:33:41,670 And I knew. 855 00:33:41,710 --> 00:33:44,310 I mean, I remembered in that moment 856 00:33:45,710 --> 00:33:47,720 for great talent to thrive, 857 00:33:47,750 --> 00:33:49,770 you gotta put you first. 858 00:33:51,050 --> 00:33:52,570 You hear me, kiddo? 859 00:33:54,550 --> 00:33:57,690 -Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah? 860 00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,690 -I'll have the car running tomorrow morning 861 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:01,240 if you wanna make a run for it. 862 00:34:03,060 --> 00:34:04,700 We both know this isn't you. 863 00:34:04,730 --> 00:34:06,410 Peas and carrots. 864 00:34:08,070 --> 00:34:10,450 Uh, I'll be right back. I gotta see a man about a horse. 865 00:34:10,490 --> 00:34:11,500 [chuckles] 866 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,540 -Um, you do know that was the plot 867 00:34:19,580 --> 00:34:21,430 of The Natural, right? 868 00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:24,850 -Oh, yeah, Kevin. I know. 869 00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:31,110 [dramatic music playing] 870 00:34:36,850 --> 00:34:40,120 [Les sobbing] 871 00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:52,130 [knocking] 872 00:35:00,450 --> 00:35:02,720 -Are you crying? -No. 873 00:35:03,540 --> 00:35:05,720 Are you smoking? -No. 874 00:35:07,710 --> 00:35:09,310 -Is it because I stabbed you? 875 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,980 -No. Is it 'cause you stabbed me? 876 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:14,820 -Yes. 877 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,030 What did she say or what did she do? 878 00:35:23,060 --> 00:35:26,660 -She was so, uh, excited. Yeah. 879 00:35:27,900 --> 00:35:29,450 -Mm. 880 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:33,040 Fear cloaked in excitement. 881 00:35:34,820 --> 00:35:37,660 And now she wants to run. 882 00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:39,120 -Well, she didn't say that. 883 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,180 -She didn't have to. 884 00:35:41,830 --> 00:35:44,000 Lindy is like Jim, but she's more like me 885 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:45,210 than she realizes. 886 00:35:45,250 --> 00:35:47,130 The more she loves someone, 887 00:35:47,170 --> 00:35:51,140 the more she fears they will run. 888 00:35:51,170 --> 00:35:55,310 We have the endlessly charming Jim to thank for that. 889 00:35:55,340 --> 00:35:58,810 Say what you will about me, but I stuck around. 890 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:02,030 I know I am not easy or charming. 891 00:36:03,770 --> 00:36:07,410 And contrary to popular belief, I am not a monster. 892 00:36:08,690 --> 00:36:10,160 After Jim left... 893 00:36:10,190 --> 00:36:12,120 [tender music playing] 894 00:36:13,610 --> 00:36:14,880 my heart broke. 895 00:36:16,780 --> 00:36:19,830 Yes, Mother of Ice has a heart. 896 00:36:19,860 --> 00:36:22,880 I vowed I'd never marry again. 897 00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:25,390 Then I met Walt. 898 00:36:26,540 --> 00:36:28,050 He's a good one. 899 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,180 I may be the only one who sees that, 900 00:36:30,210 --> 00:36:31,930 but everyone else can fuck right off. 901 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,400 -[chuckles] 902 00:36:33,660 --> 00:36:35,110 -Now, you, Les... 903 00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:39,400 you are one of the good ones, too. 904 00:36:43,930 --> 00:36:45,410 And Lindy knows it. 905 00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:50,750 And that's why she's trying so hard not to run. 906 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,170 This conversation never happened. 907 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,460 -Diane, thank you. 908 00:37:02,170 --> 00:37:05,430 -Not bad for an emotional icicle. 909 00:37:15,630 --> 00:37:18,850 [orchestral music playing] 910 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,570 [music muffled] 911 00:37:24,550 --> 00:37:25,570 -[sighs] 912 00:37:30,730 --> 00:37:31,910 Fuck. 913 00:37:45,990 --> 00:37:47,260 [sighs] 914 00:37:51,830 --> 00:37:53,880 [car horn honking] 915 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,140 -Oh, Daddy. 916 00:37:56,750 --> 00:37:59,310 Les [on megaphone]: Janet Reno! 917 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,320 Janet Reno! 918 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:07,780 -[chuckles] 919 00:38:09,770 --> 00:38:11,660 [orchestral music continues] 920 00:38:12,770 --> 00:38:14,870 Janet Reno! 921 00:38:15,270 --> 00:38:17,240 Oh, you're my hero. 922 00:38:17,270 --> 00:38:19,540 -Let's do this thing. Lindy: Whoo! 923 00:38:20,610 --> 00:38:22,380 Les: Let's go! 924 00:38:28,450 --> 00:38:31,590 -You took my fucking bullhorn! 925 00:38:31,620 --> 00:38:33,140 Kevin! 926 00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:40,930 -What did-- We end up here--? -How about... 927 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,270 [laughs] 928 00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:45,150 -This is not us. It's not us. 929 00:38:49,350 --> 00:38:50,530 -But is it you? 930 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:53,830 Be honest. 931 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:01,500 -Yeah. 932 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,840 I wanted to get married, to you. 933 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:08,550 And I wanted a wedding. 934 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,800 I did. But you? Um... 935 00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:17,060 -Didn't. -No. 936 00:39:20,750 --> 00:39:22,470 So why did you say yes? 937 00:39:22,510 --> 00:39:24,680 -Because I didn't wanna lose you. 938 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,310 -Or my family. 939 00:39:26,340 --> 00:39:27,640 -But you see why now, right? 940 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:28,860 -[snickers] 941 00:39:32,220 --> 00:39:33,280 -I just wanted... 942 00:39:34,890 --> 00:39:38,990 was longing for some sense of... 943 00:39:39,020 --> 00:39:40,490 -Normal. 944 00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,920 -Yeah. I said I'd do 945 00:39:43,550 --> 00:39:45,920 what I had always said I wouldn't do 946 00:39:47,610 --> 00:39:49,580 'cause I didn't want you to go. 947 00:39:49,620 --> 00:39:50,720 -Go? 948 00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:56,420 I am an overly educated, uh, science nerd nobody 949 00:39:56,460 --> 00:40:00,760 with--with one dumb idea 950 00:40:00,790 --> 00:40:02,510 no one gives a shit about. 951 00:40:02,550 --> 00:40:04,890 -You are brilliant 952 00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,680 and you're gonna change the world. 953 00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:09,690 I truly believe you will. 954 00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,360 And I can't wrap my head around 955 00:40:12,390 --> 00:40:16,740 why you wanna stay with a dum-dum like me. 956 00:40:18,390 --> 00:40:20,750 -When you tell me I can change the world, then I believe it. 957 00:40:24,070 --> 00:40:25,620 And there is nothing I want more 958 00:40:25,650 --> 00:40:27,200 than to be with a dum-dum like you 959 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:28,420 forever. 960 00:40:29,570 --> 00:40:30,840 Fuck the paperwork. 961 00:40:31,310 --> 00:40:32,180 -But you want the paperwork. 962 00:40:32,210 --> 00:40:35,140 -But you don't. You don't. So fuck it. 963 00:40:38,410 --> 00:40:41,430 -But you saying fuck it really makes me fucking happy, though. 964 00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:44,100 -I fucking love you. 965 00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:47,650 -I fucking love you. 966 00:40:48,020 --> 00:40:49,940 [lighthearted music playing] 967 00:40:53,930 --> 00:40:56,370 But now, I just wanna un-fuck it and just get married. 968 00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:01,070 -[laughs] Wow. What, fucking for real? 969 00:41:01,100 --> 00:41:03,500 -But for us, like our... 970 00:41:04,130 --> 00:41:06,120 our thing. Our... -Yeah. 971 00:41:06,150 --> 00:41:08,160 -...our normal. Our version. 972 00:41:08,190 --> 00:41:10,330 And--and no drama. 973 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,410 -Yes. No violence... -No. 974 00:41:11,450 --> 00:41:13,170 -...no police. -No family. 975 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:14,300 -No. 976 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:17,180 [chuckles] 977 00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,890 -And I know a perfect place. 978 00:41:23,290 --> 00:41:24,260 -The gray house. 979 00:41:24,290 --> 00:41:25,310 -The gray house. 980 00:41:32,720 --> 00:41:34,100 -[gasps] -[screams] 981 00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:36,160 [tires screeching] 982 00:41:40,390 --> 00:41:42,000 -The secret? 983 00:41:42,980 --> 00:41:44,410 Not having a wedding. 984 00:41:45,230 --> 00:41:46,320 [Diane scoffs] 985 00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:47,880 -Having two. 986 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:51,170 -Diane, don't make me come over there. 987 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,880 -I, Les Littlejohn, 988 00:41:57,910 --> 00:41:59,800 do not take you, 989 00:41:59,830 --> 00:42:02,630 Lindy McMichael, to be my wedded wife. 990 00:42:02,670 --> 00:42:04,800 -And I, Lindy McMichael, 991 00:42:04,830 --> 00:42:09,140 do not take you, Les Littlejohn, to be my wedded husband. 992 00:42:09,170 --> 00:42:10,390 -Not? 993 00:42:10,420 --> 00:42:11,810 -Never. -Never, ever. 994 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,140 -You are signing the papers, yes? 995 00:42:13,180 --> 00:42:14,980 -Yes. -Yeah. 996 00:42:15,010 --> 00:42:18,150 -Okay. Well, I now pronounce you 997 00:42:18,180 --> 00:42:19,730 not husband and wife. 998 00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:22,540 [cheering and applause] 999 00:42:25,690 --> 00:42:27,210 [tender music playing] 1000 00:42:29,190 --> 00:42:30,920 [crowd cheering] 1001 00:42:40,910 --> 00:42:43,930 [music continues]